I know some of us have said and or have heard a woman say, “ I like older men”. Well let me just say I was never that person, so I thought.

When I started to date I was around the age of 18 and I dated women. A story of its own I must add but in between dating women I would occasionally date men as well here and there. I would notice that the type of men I would attract would be older men, white older men at that. I always thought well maybe they want to date me because society told them when they were dating growing up that dating a black woman was out of the question. Or maybe they were curious and just wanted to see “what it’s like”. Either way I would go on a few dates and have strange encounters. Nothing to do with race and or age just the compatibility not being there and or I may have had too many drinks to really give someone a chance, a little bit of self sabotage some would say.

After years of failed relationships and trauma fueled “romances” I decided to do some real self discovery. I decided to cut off all people who I’ve had a sensual and sexual connections with and start over from scratch. I went to school and I would tell myself to stay single until I finished school, concentrate on my studies and then when school is over and the time is right I will allow the universe to send me the correct lover and show me what a healthy relationship looks like. I graduated October 9th and October 17th the same year I went on a date with who would soon be my sexy geek of a lover.

Christian and I meet online like us kids do these days. On our first date he showed me a magic trick where he made a fork float through a paper napkin but what he didn’t realize is that when he lifted the napkin and the way he was sitting the sun shined right through and immediately giving away the secret. It was the funniest and the cutest thing ever.

Christian was far from what I thought my partner would be. I wrote out in detail the type of man that I wanted, a painter, black man, artist, guitar player, long hair and beautiful. So when my partner came into my life I was like oh gosh you are amazing and so gifted, smart and talented and I wasn’t expecting you to appear in this type of package. I remember having a conversation with my dad about race and would it be safe for us to navigate in todays society being interracial. I was so nervous about being judged by society and I started to find excuses to not continue to date. I woke up one day lying next to him and my first thought wasn’t about race it was simply peace.

When it comes to the older man statement this is where it comes into play. When we exchanged information about our ages I was like okay, you’re older than my father but that doesn’t matter to me. When we first met I was in my late 20’s and he was in his 50’s and you know what?! What’s age got to do with it.

Thank you for making it this far and I wish you much love as gratitude.